There’s a particular kind of heartbreak that comes with a love story that lingers in the "what-if" realm. It doesn’t belong entirely to the past or the future; it exists in a liminal space between hope and closure. It felt warm and nourishing, other times, it was a ghost—haunting me with whispers of what could have been, pulling me back into memories I should have left in the past. My story lasted much longer than I would like to admit. Our love did not disturb the progression of our lives in different parts of the world, but there was always a void, much like the one a child experiences when they lose a parent. I do not wish for anyone to exist in this space, because I believe we all deserve two things in all our relationships: clarity and commitment. It’s a love story I thought would have a second act, but it ultimately ended, not in a fiery burst of anger or betrayal, but in the quiet realization that our reunion would never happen. I was ready to move forward into a space of reconciliation with the truth and healing.
Lessons I learned from a "What-If" Love
1. "If He Wanted To, He Would"
This principle became an anchor as I slowly began to crawl out of what I hoped would be. I had to face the reality that his words were meaningless because there was no action—just a hollow echo of what love should be. Genuine love transcends many obstacles and people make time for who or what is important to them. This wasn't someone who didn't have the means to, but rather someone who chose not to. The verbal declarations of love were all a mirage—it looks real from a distance but evaporates when you reach for it. When there is nothing to hold on to, you have to let go.
2. Hope Can Be a Trap
Hope can be beautiful, but it can also blind you. For years, I clung to the hope that he would act on his words, but he didn't. My desire to see him again and maybe continue where we left off became a trap, tethering me to a cycle of hurt and disappointment. It came to a point where I felt I was being gaslit at times, because my desires and expectations were being viewed as asking for too much. This is when hope does not serve you; it keeps you stuck. Letting go can feel like losing a dream, but it also frees you to see reality for what it is, not what you wish it could be.
3. Healing Requires Clarity
Healing began when I stopped asking "What if?" and started accepting "What is." Clarity wasn’t something he gave me—it was something I found for myself. I had been walking in circles, chasing a love that left me adrift. His words said one thing, but his actions told a different story. That realization was the clarity I needed. The familiar tightness in my chest, the ache of confusion, was my body’s way of saying: Enough. For the first time, I chose me.
4. Self-Worth Comes First
I spent years trying to prove my worth to him, but my worth was never something he could define. It was always there, waiting for me to recognize it. Walking away felt like stepping into a desert—barren, lonely, and uncomfortable. But that desert, with its raw honesty, was better than the illusion of love I had been clinging to. In that solitude, I discovered myself. I realized that clarity isn’t just about understanding someone else’s actions; it’s about honoring your own value.
Finding Strength in Solitude
The hardest part of walking away was the silence that followed. It’s in that silence that you confront all the things you’ve been avoiding: the pain, the doubt, and possibly the fear of being alone. But the silence also brings strength. It forces you to rely on yourself, to build a foundation that no one else can shake. I found resilience. I found clarity. And, most importantly, I found the courage to choose myself over the false hope of a love that was never meant to last. Letting go of my “what if” love wasn’t just an ending—it was a beginning.
To anyone who’s caught in the cycle of a “what if” relationship, I hope my story offers you hope and clarity. Remember: you deserve a love that is steady, intentional, and real. Don’t settle for a love that leaves you parched when you could be thriving.
Share your story of reclaiming your identity after heartbreak.
(Artwork by Natalie Hirschman/Tutt'Art)
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