I recently saw a video online where a woman recorded her big reveal of a shaved head to her partner, as he came home from work. He was absolutely in love with it, while she critiqued her head for having bumps. You can see the love in his eyes for this woman, and it truly made my heart smile.
About two weeks ago, I shaved my head. This is a common thing for me, because I honestly do not enjoy hair at all—and the loss isn’t great, because my hair has never grown past my shoulders. More than the factor of length, I think I look absolutely beautiful with a shaved head, something that not everyone can pull off. It shows my face and I feel absolutely confident walking around and owning my unconventional beauty.
I’ve been shaving my head very often for over ten years, and in all that time my ex-husband/current partner—a story for another day has never made a negative comment about about my decision. He’d go to work with me having hair and return to me with no hair, and every time he said I looked beautiful, which I absolutely appreciate, but never really needed. He’d also rub my head for good measure which I loved. From the time we started dating, I established the ground rule that I do not need his advice or approval on what I wore, on how I keep my hair. He always appreciated my sense of style and abided by my rule.
My high school principal Sister Claire said something that has stuck with me my entire life.
You are ambassadors for yourselves.
My mother was also the enforcer of that belief, because she encouraged that I feel and look my best once I stepped out of my home.
I was intentional about stating this, because I have read or heard one too many stories of women who decided to go for a slightly shorter haircut, only to have a partner lose his heavenly mind. It’s almost as if they forget that this is an adult who is capable of making decisions of their own, and that their preference is not the deciding factor. It was honestly scary to know that people walk around prioritizing aspects of a human being instead of the whole person in front of them. You would rather destroy your partner’s self-esteem that realize they can grow four or five inches of hair back.
I also beg to ask, “What if she got cancer and had to go through chemo?” One may be quick to rebut, “That’s different. That wasn’t her choice, “ but I beg to differ. As a matter of fact, I think it gives you foresight into what many oncologist brace women for: your husband may leave you in the middle of a major health crisis. Isn’t that a shame?! At that point, it has gone beyond the hair, but the content of character. To abandon your partner in a moment of crisis, whether it be that you no longer find them attractive or that you feel the responsibility has become too great, is disgraceful. If a partner cannot willingly embrace your choice to perform a single act like shaving your head when you’re able to grow it back, what makes you think he will accept it or even find it attractive when you can’t?
I am saying this for women who have body autonomy, because people embrace different belief systems that they allow to dictate how they move in this world. If you have religious constraints that prioritize your husband's feelings, or you simply like to uphold your partner's preference, this message isn't for you. I am talking to the women who move through this world with a sense of who they are and are not guided by what others think of them. The women who do what makes them happy, while also existing in loving and healthy relationships.
As we say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What one person may find unattractive may be the most attractive thing to another. Are they wrong? No. But a woman should always own and listen to her inner voice in a way that empowers her sense of self. As she does that, without input from outside voices, those around her will not only see her vision, but appreciate and love her ability to march to the beat of her own drum.
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